Thank You

Reading has always been a part of my life. If I had to guess, I'd say that I have read at least 700 books in my lifetime. From the time I was born until now, 18 years into my life, I have lived 700 other stories, 700 other lives. I have had 700 opportunities to witness the miracles of others and learn about fictional people and historical events.

I've lived the lives of those who never lived at all.

I'm graduating high school in about a week, leaving behind everything I've ever known to move on to a world completely foreign to me, where school isn't required, and it is a choice. I make all of the decisions from here on out. I’ve been given all of the tools I need to survive, and it's my responsibility to use them appropriately and become a useful part of society.

However, I don't know if I want this for myself.

Every year since I've been born has been routine, trying to prepare me to keep a routine when I escape the cell of childhood and move on to the freedom that is adulthood. I don't know if I want the routine and expectations that come with it.

"Well, yes, ma'am, I do... I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count. " - The Titanic

I've had an unhealthy obsession with the Titanic for as long as I can remember. I must own 10 books and have DVRed anything to do with the subject. Part of me wonders if I was someone who died on Titanic in a past life; it would explain my unnatural obsession. But then I wonder if there's something that explains everything about me that doesn't make much sense.

Why I can sing and play guitar when no one in my family has any musical talent. Why I enjoy reading and leisure while my family enjoys the outdoors and rush. Why I enjoy quiet and my parents insist I elaborate. Little things that are just a part of being me, maybe they all have some connection to who I was, eventually evolving into who I am.

Books gave me something to hold on to, an explanation for why I was so different. I always related because the main character is almost always quirky or different in some way. And if they were normal and popular, it gave me the opportunity to experience popularity and be a part of the “in” crowd (and from what I gathered, it isn't all it's cracked up to be.)

Though my parents support me in everything I do, and I love them dearly, my books have been there for me. They always have been and they always will. Whether to help me get over something, explain something, or just get me through my day by making me feel better, they have allowed me to fall into the pages with no expectations, and climb out with a new perspective on my current situations. No matter where life may take me, what choices I make, and what the final outcome is, I know that I'll always be able to stop and pick up a book. Everything else will still be there when I finish, but it still gives me a moment to escape when I need to. So to every book I've ever read, Thank You. You may not realize it, but you've given me hope when I needed it, and a friend when I wanted one. To every person who recommended a book to me, thank you for understanding my need to escape and providing me a new life to live, outside of the normal one I experience every day.

In my lifetime, I have the potential to do great things. But inside my books? I already have.