Did He Just Say That?

Ok fellow single people, I know I have complained about on line dating before, but I am not through yet.

I have said it before, and I will say it again, Match.com and Plenty of Fish etc. are wonderful tools if you are single and would like to take a proactive role in meeting new people. I, myself, know several people who found great luck meeting matches from these websites. I, however, have not been so lucky.

I have worded and re-worded my profile many times to paint a clear and accurate picture of who I am and who I am looking for. I do not post provocative pictures of myself in order to attempt to find the “right type” of man. I am clear that I am looking for someone in a specific age range as I feel that if at any point of our lives a relationship would have been grossly illegal, then I would find that repulsive. I am looking for a partner, not a father and definitely not another child.

Time and time again, I receive emails from those who are in their 60’s who have a complete disregard as to what I specified my age limit is. Being a very vibrant 41 year old myself, I just cannot see myself with someone old enough to be my parent. The emails I receive from these guys shock me. One will write “Hi, I read your profile and we have a lot in common” to which I reply: “If you did indeed read my profile you would notice that I am seeking someone in a more appropriate age range. Good luck in your search”.

I make it clear in my profile that I am relationship minded and not into games. I am shocked by the amount of men who email me with extremely inappropriate emails. It is like they do not have any regard for good first impressions or respect for women in general. I doubt any normal man would use some of the content included in these emails to pick up a woman in real life out of fear they would be slapped across the face. I understand that being on line versus face to face provides people with a shield for a negative reaction from the other person, however, that does not mean people can send distasteful inappropriate emails to people they do not know and who has not indicated that they are looking to meet someone for sexual activity only. There are websites out there if that is indeed what someone is looking for.

I received an email from a gentleman (and I use that term loosely) the other day. He was seven years outside of my age requirements and not particularly attractive to me. But I still read what he had to write and I think this was by far the worst one I ever received. He proceeded to tell me that age is just a number and that he looks more like a 45 year old (he did not). He proceeded to inform me (I will change the actual words to the ones in parenthesis to be more family friendly)how many times he can “satisfy” me and that he possesses no “swimmers” apparently thinking this would be attractive to me. Then he told me not to be so shallow and maybe I won’t stay single.

 FYI…for all you single men out there on line…these are not good pickup lines to impress the ladies. I am sure that women can be just as bad sometimes, however I have nothing to compare it to, thus I do not intend for this blog to be bashing the men, it is all general to make the point that although on line dating can be useful to help a single person take an active role in meeting someone as it has been proven to be affective in many relationships, it can also be a detriment because it removes the natural progression of boy meets girl and replaces it with some cases of predatory dating.

Five months ago, I lost a wonderful relationship due to the fact that I had some personal issues and it became stressful on the relationship. He treated me and my children very well for the 11 months we dated. After being with such a great guy who treated me with the respect that all women should feel, I won’t settle for anything less.

Recently he and I started talking again and even saw each other as friends. Although I thought I was over him, I realized I was not, for he was so safe and I craved that again…especially after all of the emails I have been getting recently. I am very good at giving singles advice on how to proceed when starting a relationship, but when it comes to my own life, I am self-destructive. Part of it is that I feel dating has become a free for all with no true intentions anymore and I just want to feel safe again. Part of it is that I feel I have so much to make up for and so much time to get back now that my situation has been resolved. The last part is that I do truly love him…something I never admitted in the relationship out of fear that it would scare him off. My advice in this situation is to always allow the relationship to flourish and hold back and shield your heart. On one hand…being honest and true to how you feel is so important. On the other, you cannot rush something that, although may be leaning that way, is not ready to be taken to that place.

I have learned this last month that you need to approach dating with dignity. Never accept less than what you deserve because it is more important to be happy by yourself than miserable with someone. You are the only one you can count on, so it’s up to you to find an appropriate partner and deny those who do not have your best interests in their heart. It’s ok to fight for what you want, but if you don’t get the answer you want when putting your heart out there, then it’s time to give up, no matter how much giving up hurts. If it is meant to be, it will happen. And don’t wait to tell someone how you feel about them until it is too late. If they react poorly to your admission, then it really was not meant to be.

Happy dating everyone. Stay safe, be very selective and if you have a great partner…don’t let them go. It is a jungle out here.