Two January’s ago, SunChips, a Frito-Lay brand claiming to use environmentally friendly manufacturing (like cooking with steam from solar energy), distributed… the new bag. I’m sure you’ve heard of this bag: 100 percent biodegradable, composed of the “plant-based material” called “polylactic acid,” a big step in initiating green alternatives.
Nine months later, Frito-Lay paralyzed production of this new bag, not because of manufacturing malfunctions or corporation discrepancies, but because consumers - enough of them - complained the new bag was “too loud.” This bears repeating because it literally sounds like a joke. Consumers complained, not about the chips: the main attraction, they complained that when opening the bag it made an abnormally loud noise. A noise similar to a normal bag of chips being opened enhanced three times.
Knowing all of this, I can only ask, why? What kind of person would complain about such trivialities? I have compiled a few types of people, the only types of people I can think of who would be so bold.
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Lazy people. To those people I ask, do you own a television? To which I would assume the answer is four. Have you watched it at all? It makes noise - a lot of it. Noise like explosions and people shrieking and Adam Sandler. I would assume, most of the time lazy people like to eat snacks while watching television. Let’s assume this snack happens to be SunChips. Lazy people are worried that the sound of the bag of chips will directly affect them being able to hear the television 10 feet away. For this I have three solutions: turn the TV up (that thin thing with buttons is called the remote, home to the volume control), use captions (remote also home to mute button), or pour the chips in a bowl and watch your portions like the doctor recommends!
A chip thief. A chip thief is that person who sneaks into local CVS pharmacies to pilfer pharmaceuticals and chips. Chip thieves usually wear black capes and aviators. These thugs might complain because the loud bag noise would blow their cover.
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Comedians. People who think they are funny would complain because this entire situation is hysterical. A pilot posted a video on Youtube proving how the SunChip bags are louder than his jet cockpit. A fellow on Facebook started a page called “SORRY BUT I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THIS SUNCHIPS BAG,” which currently holds over 55,000 members. Plenty of comedians are complaining about this bag, but for fun, not to be taken seriously. These people are not aiming to destroy the very being of the bag, they are simply around to connect with people who have a similar belief: the bag sounds like icicles piercing an inflatable bouncer house.
Complainers. A complainer spends every minute of every day complaining and gathering people who wish to join in pity wallowing. These types of people usually form unreliable relationships and buy big-budget items on credit they can’t really afford. Complainers are a very vocal minority and they make the majority want to punch them. Because it is against the law to punch these complainers, they get their way, but they don’t like it. Complainers would complain about the bags because they literally have nothing better to do with their life. In a way, complainers are like gateway bullies. They only find happiness in bringing everything down. No, actually, complainers are a mix between bullies, the privileged, and one of those annoying parrots that ask for crackers.
So we know types of people who complained about the bags: lazy, thief, humorous, and complainer. But here’s the bigger question - why did SunChips withdraw to these complaints?
Did they fear lazy people, thieves, comedians and convulsive complainers represented the majority? (they don’t) Did they agree the sound wasn’t worth saving the planet?
While American corporations dismantled the biodegradable innovation, Canada fought back the complaints with “if you (think) (the chips) are too noisy, contact us and we’ll send you a free pair of earplugs.”
I find it hysterical how people pick their battles. Complain about the bag of chips instead of about the fact that 17 million kids in America don’t know where their next meal is coming from. The chips taste great but the packaging is terrible. That’s like saying Catcher in the Rye was a literary marvel, but the cover was bland. Or the orchestra sounded breathtaking, but the conductor’s hair looked too greasy. Or that dolphin just saved my life from that burning ship but it made this annoying clicking noise all the way to land.
I think our standard of living is excellent when we can find time to complain about a bag of chips - no, not even a bag of chips - literally the bag that holds the chips.
If anything, that new bag was a conversation starter. Now I guess these non-biodegradable bags will be a conversation ender.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703960004575427150103293906.html
http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/weight-loss/expert-advice/diet-detective/sunchips-dreamfields-pasta-healthy/
http://jimmydean.com/JD_NoKidHungry/
(Canada Service Announcement)http://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/09/sunchips-war-spreads-to-canada/
