Say Goodbye to "Binky''

Q: A couple of weeks ago someone wrote in that her daughter, at age 2 1/2, still wants/needs/demands a bottle before bed and she thinks it’s time to stop that habit. 

A: The first thing that I will say is that kids are much more resilient and able to adapt than we give them credit for. 

Often, we dread taking away the binky or making some other “big” change, anticipating weeks of complaints, tantrums and misery, only to find out that when we do it, the child is fine in a day or two and it’s as if the binky never existed. 

So the first question is, when is it truly necessary to take away some of these “comfort” items, if ever? 

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends weaning from a bottle to a cup at age 1; bottle feeding past 18 months increases the risk of tooth decay, ear infections, anemia, and obesity. 

Pacifiers are good for soothing babies. But dentists worry about dental problems if it’s still used a lot past age 2 and not given up entirely by age 4. 

Many children will give up these items on their own, but here are some suggestions for making the final split or for forcing the issue when you feel your child is simply too old for them. 

Be aware of the situations when your child wants the comfort item and have an alternative ready. For example, if your child seeks the comfort of a pacifier when she goes someplace unfamiliar, offer a stuffed animal instead. 

Be ready with a few extra hugs as your child makes the transition. 

The Gradual Approach 

To gradually wean from the bottle, start introducing a cup before you start taking the bottle away so that it becomes an accepted alternative rather than a forced replacement.

Start using a cup rather than a bottle in comfortable situations first, at snack time for example. 

When you are down to only having the bottle at bedtime, first try separating the bottle from the bedtime routine. Give your child her bottle in the kitchen before you change her into her pajamas, read a story and brush her teeth.

When she asks for it as you’re tucking her in, remind her that she just had a drink and doesn’t need another now. 

If your child resists moving from the bottle to a cup, put less desirable water in the bottle and yummy milk in the cup. 

To gradually remove the pacifier, start by putting it away when your child is happy and engaged in other activities, but let her use it when she’s stressed out and needs extra comfort. 

You can keep it in the crib and have that be the only place she can have it. 

Or I read about one mom who tied the pacifier to the doorknob with a string. The string was just long enough that her daughter could sit right next to the door and use it, but couldn’t reach any of her toys. 

The Big Event 

Especially as your child gets older and can understand more, you can make a big to do about giving it up. Talk about being “big” and not needing the bottle or binky anymore. 

Set a date, say in three days, talk about it until then to build the excitement and then have a little ceremony. 

Collect all of the binkies or bottles in the house and “send” them off to little babies who really need them. Or leave them for the “Binky Fairy” and let your child wake up to a special gift in return. 

I also read about the idea to use the binkies or bottles like cash and let your child take a bagful to the toy store and use them to pay for a toy (as you discretely slip your credit card to the clerk). 

Cold Turkey 

When it gets down to the very end, you’re just going to have to cut your child off cold turkey and stand firm against the complaints for a couple of days. 

Make sure you don’t give in as they test you and it will probably go much quicker than you thought it would. 

For giving up the pacifier, cutting the tip off is another common and effective approach. 

I have a good friend whose daughter was addicted to her pacifier. As a rule she never had fewer than two on her person: one in her mouth, one in her pocket, and on a good day, a third in her other pocket. She had two blankets that were constant companions as well. 

My friend dreaded the battle she thought would ensue when she finally said enough to the binkies and made her daughter give them up. It turned out to be a pretty easy transition. 

She did the cut off the tip method, where you cut the tips off of all of the pacifiers in the house. When your child asks for one, you gladly hand it over, but it won’t be as satisfying. 

After less than a week the daughter stopped asking for them at all, and her blankets began to play a less prominent role in her life as well.

If my friend had only known it was going to be that easy, she would have done it a year earlier. 

Wouldn’t we all?